Your Own Midwestern Hollywood
May 7, 2008 by theleftovers
California and New York come to mind when I think of flashy, successful careers. After college, I think all Liberal Arts majors have that brief moment where they consider putting all their chips in one basket and heading for “The Hills” or “The Real World” to make their big break in whatever specialty they have. Or maybe they did do it. After all, Jenna Fischer from “The Office” did it–attending Truman State University and trying for and making it in Hollywood afterwards. I’m not here to say it can’t be done. I’m just asking why it can’t take place in the Midwest.
Why does Hollywood have to have all the fun? There are plenty of hard-working, Midwestern individuals who can write a line just like Tech Nine or Mark Twain.
And so here I am to help you think of your Midwestern entry-level job differently. For example, in a few weeks, I will start my first real-life, adult job as an Activities Assistant at The Nursing Home. Glamorous, right? Right.
I can picture it now: I walk into The Nursing Home with my designer shoes and rhinestone sun glasses with air blowing my hair back from the cool breeze outside. Hazel, an 85 year old minx, sits in the sun room with her two pimps, discussing who got on who the night before. Blanche nurses a mimosa with a couple of her cocktail girlfriends, and Mr. Heindman relaxes in a bubbling hot tub with his white chest hair and gold chains making a sexy rendezvous with the water. I smile to myself as I gather my posse around me and we all start reenacting “Ocean’s Eleven” for our casino activity for the day. Just another day at the old folks home…
So the next time you consider yourself an underachiever for not going to California or New York to make it big, just think of that secretarial job as a scene from “The Office” or that janitorial job as a scene from “Scrubs.” Make Hollywood come to you. And even though you might end up somewhat delusional about what you actually do for a living, nothing can compare to the sight of Gladys, in all her wheel-chair glory, slapping a ho for bringing her the wrong latte at The Nursing Home cafeteria.
-The Boxcar Children
I’m pretty sure I’ve worked in a place like that. Except there were no sexy rendezvous. Or there old person coherency. There were a few nurses who walked in on one or two dirty old men getting their hands even dirtier.